Give yourself ― and your loved ones ― a break

Practice self-compassion, be gentle with yourself, cut yourself some slack.

If the kids get more screen time than usual, so be it.
If meals are less nutritious than you’d like (ie: barely thrown together, completely last minute, whatever the kids will eat), don’t worry about it.
If consequences and follow-through are completely inconsistent, stop judging yourself. Children ― humans ― are resilient.

For God’s sake, stop the mental parent-shaming, and just get yourselves through this time as we adjust to this TEMPORARY new normal. And remember, this is temporary. Repeat that to yourself 20 times a day. Make it your mantra. This is temporary. We will get through this.

Infuse your routines with mindfulness

There’s an old Zen saying I love, “You should sit in meditation for 20 mins each day ― unless you’re too busy; then you should sit for an hour.” I hear you screaming at your computer, “except for when the whole world is slowly erupting in chaos!”

When you don’t have time to meditate, be mindful in your movements. Literally. Notice your breath and the way the ground feels as you take each step.
Focus on what you can control (e.g., your attitude, exposure to the news & social media, how you choose to react), and let go of what you can’t (e.g., other peoples’ reactions, how closely others follow safety regulations, how much toilet paper is left in the store).
After each email is fired off, inhale for four seconds, exhale for four seconds. Let your mind clear, and then mindfully decide your next step. You might fear that it’ll waste time, but I guarantee it’ll make you more efficient.
While cooking, cleaning, bathing, bring your attention fully to whatever you’re doing. Remember The Karate Kid? Wax on, wax off. While washing vegetables, breathe and notice the feeling of the water on your hands (side note: are you also now washing everything for 20 seconds, or is that just me?).
Become aware of your thoughts. What’s the voice in your head saying? If it’s negative, you’re going to feel bad. Period. Challenge yourself to think something positive ― name one thing you’re grateful for right now. Kids driving you crazy? Remember the time they made you that vase (do kids still do that?). Partner making you want to pull your hair out? Maybe you’re grateful you’re not in this alone.
Be mindful of what you consume ― for your body and your mind. Most articles and news stories will have sensationalistic headlines intended to get a reaction out of you. Don’t react. Ignore fake news, and notice how real information straight from the source (eg. the CDC or the WHO) is delivered calmly, with the intention to inform ― not alarm ― you.

The only way out is through

I know you ― holding it all together to be the rock for your loved ones. I respect that. But you, too, deserve to be supported. You need an appropriate avenue to let it out (call a friend, video chat one of the many therapists, like myself, offering online sessions), even if that means naming an inanimate object your ‘therapist’ and venting your frustrations at it.

Remember Wilson in Cast Away? Designate a Whining Wilson, and whine to your Wilson about all the ways this situation hurts. The only way out of the pain is through it, and admitting it is a crucial first step. The next steps, we do together.

Lend a hand, but also ask for a hand

My dear friend, Helen, used to struggle with accepting help. She did everything for everyone else, but never wanted to burden anyone with the task of helping her. Sound familiar? I used to tell Helen, “I feel closer to you when you let me help you.” She slowly began accepting my help, and our friendship deepened. We all need help at times; ask for it when it’s your time.

Especially in these days of physical distancing (not social distancing), we need to feel close to each other. Check in with a distant friend, ask a neighbor if they need anything, volunteer if you have time (packaging and delivering food is an easy way to help without risking exposure). Now is the time to look outside yourself and notice who is marginally and unfairly impacted? How can I help?

Helping others allows generosity and compassion to flow through us while giving us a sense of control. It also gives perspective since there’s always someone struggling harder, and there’s always something to be grateful for.

Find perspective by looking outside yourself. Connect with each other, and create community through helping those marginally impacted. There’s a reason every world religion preaches generosity and service to others. Not only is it good for others, it’s good for us. Service to community heals.

The virus is the medicine

How can we see the opportunity (dare I say the gift?) in this challenging time? Remember what The Great Depression brought us? Social Services. Growth requires growing pains. Zooming out, reducing myopia (near-sightedness), and focusing on the long term will reduce the pain of this growth. The world will undoubtedly be a different place after this, and we will have the opportunity to rebuild in a way most of us have never lived through.

This is a reset button for your life. When will you ever experience something like this again? Hopefully not in your lifetime, so take advantage of it.

How do you want to design your life after this?
What are real changes you want to make?
What are you realizing is important to you that you previously took for granted? How can you redesign your life to prioritize that?

The liminal space is thick with wisdom. Let’s not waste it.

We’re all in this together

As more of us start to get tested, we’ll begin the necessary ― yet frightening ― process of tracing our possible contact with those who test positive. There will be the tendency to point fingers, especially, as we have seen, at Asian Americans.

You have the choice: will you be xenophobic? Discriminatory? Blaming? Will you feed into the political divide currently raging in our country?

Liberal, conservative, we’re all in this together. This virus affects all of us, regardless of our skin color or political preference. This can unite us or divide us. We all get to choose which.

Make the right choice.