I specialize in trauma; and, as such, I have the humbling opportunity to sit with people as they confront the most painful aspects of their lives. Something I’ve noticed in clients is the desire to curl into a ball and look away when facing the sometimes-unbearable pain. But, this is the time when I remind clients that the fact that they’re seeing their pain means that it’s conscious enough that it’s no longer controlling them. It might still be affecting them, but it’s no longer in the driver’s seat, with the client being carelessly careened down treacherous paths.

Often in nightmares or scary movies, the monster isn’t revealed immediately. We might not be actively running from it, but it’s always there, lurking, waiting for us to be vulnerable. There’s a looming anxiety or fear of the beast, but our imagination fills in the blanks with what it actually looks like. Usually, this is the scariest part. As soon as the monster is revealed, even as terrifying as it might be, it’s never as terrifying as what our imagination created. This is true of anxiety in general - our minds are creating something to fear, and the more we run from it, the scarier it will be. But the moment we turn and look at it, we take away its power. Not completely, but enough that it can be dealt with.

Turning and looking at the monster is the first step to our freedom - the beginning of the end to the chase. You may sometimes have to turn away again, and that’s ok. You’ve halted the hunt - disrupted the pattern. It might be a long journey to create a new, healthier pattern - a new dynamic with the monster - but you’re now in the driver’s seat. You’re no longer unconsciously at its mercy.

So when you’re facing your monster, as terrifying as it may be, remind yourself that as scary or painful as it is, it no longer has control over you, and you have the power to write the ending.