In August of last year, as part of my year-long psychedelic-assisted therapy training program at CIIS, I volunteered at a legal psilocybin (the active ingredient in magic mushrooms) retreat center in Amsterdam called Synthesis. Of 4 facilitators, I was the only female facilitator, and one of 2 licensed therapists. 15 participants took a high dose of psilocybin during a 3-day retreat in a beautiful renovated church in the small beach town of Zandvoort.
At the time of this retreat, I'd had a difficult summer, and the experience came while I was struggling to heal some new wounds (including my father's health scare, from which he is now fully recovered).
I had no idea what to expect, but ended up having a deeply transformative experience, myself, despite being sober during the entire retreat (unlike at some retreat centers around the world, at Synthesis, facilitators do not take any psychedelics). Sitting with participants, talking them through their traumas, playing an active role in their healing, I felt a new part of me rise from the ashes of my wounds. It was a reminder of the wounded healer, an archetype that has surfaced many times in my licensure journey, a reminder that even when (arguably, most often when) I, myself, am in need of healing, I have the capacity to heal others. Healing does not come from any of us individually, nor from a place of ego or self. It comes from a deeper place of spirit, of Self with a capital S, the interconnectedness we feel to each other and to our true spiritual nature. When we allow them to, grief, pain, and struggle can open us more deeply to this interconnectedness; and, for me, that's exactly what happened in Amsterdam.
I had the beautiful honor of experiencing this healing in myself and others with many participants at the Synthesis retreat; however, it was not so beautiful for everyone. One participant, Shayla, was a writer for Vice and wrote about her difficult experience. I spent a great deal of time with Shayla in her journey, but since I was the only female facilitator, there were other participants who needed a female presence, so I couldn't stay with her the whole time. It was hard to tear myself away from her, feeling the pressure of being pulled in several directions at once, tending to multiple participants, all needing different things. Although I think Synthesis does a fantastic job, and my and most participants' experiences were mostly positive and healing, it was not easy facilitating in this format, and I wondered if there are better ways to lead these kinds of retreats.
Read Shayla’s article, complete with warnings and important considerations for psychedelic-assisted therapy here.
Shayla wonders similarly, and discusses important considerations and different treatment methods in her article. I'm so grateful she shared the honesty of her journey, struggles and all, and asks questions about this burgeoning and currently unregulated field of psychedelic therapy. There's obviously a psychedelic renaissance afoot, and I'm excited to be legally trained for this work; however, I have many fears about where this movement will go. As with all new movements, there will be missteps. How best can we minimize these missteps?
While this psychedelic renaissance blooms in the Western world (for evidence of this bloom, see articles in the Economist, the New Yorker, and books like Michael Pollen’s How to Change your Mind, voted one of the New York Times 10 best books of 2018), there is acknowledgment of the centuries-old practices in Indigenous cultures around the world. Personally, I believe we in the West have a lot more to learn from these cultures, and that is where I now want to shift my focus. I want to continue my psychedelic training by balancing my Western program with some kind of Indigenous training. Ideally, this would be in Mexico, where I can reconnect with my heritage (I'm 24% Native American, from Mexico).
It seems apparent that this field is only gaining momentum and not going away anytime soon. What are other considerations we should keep in mind as this field grows and legalization draws nearer?