I haven’t posted anything about my work with the Zendo Project, so I wanted to share a recent newsletter I wrote for the organization. For those unfamiliar with it, the Zendo Project is a harm reduction initiative founded by the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS), which has now become its own 501c3. We provide education on how to support someone experiencing a non-ordinary state of consciousness, as well as care services at events around the country, helping anyone in need of emotional support. Rather than pathologizing or criminalizing altered states of consciousness, Zendo Project’s mission is to offer a space where people can process their experiences with the help of trained volunteers—many of whom are therapists, counselors, or individuals with a deep understanding of psychedelic integration.
To learn more about the Zendo Project, read this article by Ann Harrison of Lucid News.
Here’s my newsletter:
I’d heard that the April eclipse would bring up darkness and shadow material… and wow, did it ever. Last month, I traveled with the Zendo Project team to Burnet, TX for the Texas Eclipse Festival. I was prepared for it to be some good, hard, type II fun (difficult while it’s happening, but fun in retrospect), and while there were also plentiful type I fun moments with a truly badass Zendo team, it definitely delivered.
Shortly before the festival, I’d joined the Zendo Project team as staff, and I was still trying to figure out where I fit into and what I had to offer this impressive team. Imposter syndrome, a form of social anxiety, was a permanent, invisible Zendo guest, sitting beside me at each of my shifts. During my first shift on Friday morning at the festival, a difficult situation arose that ended well, but left me feeling low about my Shift Lead skills. I left that shift feeling downtrodden. Immediately after, I had to put on my trust-me-I-know-what-I’m-doing face to speak on a panel with Executive Director, Chelsea Rose Pires and board member/longtime Zendo Project leader, Steve Bagley. My imposter syndrome took up the entire stage.
But something happened a few minutes into our panel. Chelsea Rose began the talk by sharing the history of Zendo Project. A few sentences in, I started to feel her words sink into a place deeper than my anxiety could go. Each word reverberated with my heartbeat until I felt my breath slow, my body ease, and my imposter syndrome take a seat in the back. Her message reignited my purpose and mission in life, and reminded me why I was drawn to this community in the first place.
There were other hard times that week, which led to other breakdowns and fears of not belonging. But each time I shared my struggles with my dear friends within the Zendo Project community, I was met with deep acceptance and shared struggles. It reminded me that no matter how expertly put together and badass someone might appear from the outside, we all struggle with belonging and worthiness. It was the reminder I needed that I can arrive exactly as I am, even when - or maybe especially when - sleep-deprived, stressed, and completely obscured by imposter syndrome. This community can hold me exactly as I am. I don’t have to feign happiness or confidence. It’s a place where I can show up, wounds and all, and still feel loved.
I hope this is the reminder to you that it was to me: we all struggle with belonging, and you are welcome and loved exactly as you are. Especially here in this community.
Looking forward to meeting you all out there at events this coming year.
If you’re interested in joining our community, email me at valerie@zendoproject.org. We’d love to have you!