Some one asked me the other day what my go-to tips are for mental wellness. After much thought, I realized that I often return to these 5 baseline principles. They sound simple in theory, but are incredibly difficult in practice. But, with practice, they can be the key to happiness.
Zoom out
This is a phrase I say to myself whenever I notice I’m feeling activated (angry, sad, shocked, etc. This works with all emotions). It’s a reminder to take a breath (never underestimate the power of the breath), let the context sink in, look at it from other perspectives, and ask myself, “am I going to be upset by this 1 year from now? 1 month from now? 1 day from now? Probably not? Then why am I letting it upset me now?”
Find what gives your life meaning
Viktor Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist who wrote about the horrific suffering he witnessed while interned at a WWII concentration camp. Frankl found that even in the most grim of circumstances, meaning can be found, and meaning is what makes life. Frankl often refers to Friedrich Nietzsche's words, "He who has a Why to live for can bear almost any How." Find your why -- find what gives your life meaning.
Make time for what nourishes you
When I don’t get enough sleep, healthy food, time in nature, talks with friends/loved ones, introvert time, etc., I go from 0-60 on the irritable scale. Never underestimate the power of our basic resources.
Unplug and reflect
In this age of technology and distractions, our attention is almost always divided among a plethora of notifications battling for our time. Why do you have some of your best ideas, thoughts, reminders in the shower? Because you’re not reaching for your phone the second it dings (or hopefully not). This frees up your mind to expand beyond just the immediate moment. When we spend most of our time answering notifications (messages, email, slack, etc), it’s like we’re in a triage situation, tending to what’s most immediate or easiest to get out of the way, planning to get to the bigger stuff later. But the constancy of these notifications makes it so that later never comes. We’re perpetually in this triage mode, putting out fires, and dealing with what’s being thrust into our hands. We don’t step back to think about where we should be putting our hands in the first place. But, in the shower, when our hands can’t be on a keyboard, our minds are liberated from this triage mentality, and we naturally drift to what’s most important. Ideas spring up, plans effortlessly take shape, and creative solutions organically appear as if there all along, and we had only to take our eyes off the screen long enough to notice them.
Let yourself be bored and learn to tolerate discomfort
I never went to summer camps as a child, so when spending so much time at my house, my mother had one rule: never say “I’m bored.” We had a big backyard and friends who lived in the neighborhood. “If you’re bored, then find something to do,” she said. I used to get angry when she’d say that, as if I had an endless imagination and could make anything interesting if I just tried...until I realized that was exactly the case. I now attribute my incredible patience, vivid imagination, and unique sense of humor to this rule. These days, people never let themselves be bored; instead, seeking distraction from devices (see #4).
Similarly, discomfort is equally avoided or lobbed onto others as if anyone could be responsible for our feelings other than ourselves. For more on tolerating discomfort, I talk about relationships and communication and how to learn to take responsibility for our own feelings instead of blaming partners or other people in this podcast.